Interrogating your date. Wearing slippers to go to a function. Talking non-stop on topics that he or she has absolutely no interest in. These are some common behaviours that will completely turn off your date, according to dating events organiser Jerald Lim, from One Plus One Dating Agency.
I spoke to Jerald about common dating mistakes, and also got some dating tips from him about how to overcome shyness in dating and whether love at first sight exists. To find out what Jerald, 39, said, do read on.
Jerald, what are some common dating mistakes made when going on a date?
Asking too many questions without getting into a conversation, which then becomes very closed-ended. It’s like one person is interrogating the other, but the questioner does not actually listen to the other person’s responses. He or she may keep on going on at it – even when the other party is very tired, without realising it.
Another common dating mistake is not dressing according to the occasion, for example, going to a function and wearing slippers – that is a turn-off.
What are two behaviours that would definitely drive away a date?
Talking non-stop on a topic when the other party is totally not interested in what is being said. For example, some people may have no interest in heavy topics like politics but a person might keep talking about it.
Another turn-off is when a person runs out of topics to talk about and ends up staring at his or her food and drink or else keeps looking at the hand phone instead of actually talking.
Can you comment on other behaviours that are a no-no on dates?
Answering phone calls is okay but sending too many phone messages is one of the things that show you are not interested in what the other party is saying.
Of course, digging your nose is one of the worst turn-offs on a date – but fortunately, it doesn’t happen too much.
Too talkative is not so good too. You should let your date say something.
How do you overcome shyness in dating?
It is all about developing confidence – shy people should overcome their shyness by going on group dates first and letting their friends cover for them if they are not sure about how to talk or what to say to their dates. Only if they are able to talk more during the group date, should they perhaps try dating a person one-on-one.
How can a date help a shy person?
Try to break the ice by cracking some funny jokes to warm up the atmosphere.
What are three tips for a first date?
Don’t be too casual with your dressing. And of course do some homework first on what to do, by referring to a dating website or Dating for Dummies.
Communications is important. You must prepare yourself on what to talk about. Do not have too many closed-ended questions, which only elicits “yes” or “no” answers. Ask more open-ended questions to draw out responses from the other person. You must also know exactly what you are going to say to the other person.
Is there such a thing as instant chemistry?
I do not think there is something like that. At most, a person can just click with his or her date. Chemistry is something that is much too complicated to define.
Do you feel love at first sight exists?
I think that love at first sight does not really happen. There are several stages. They would start out as strangers and then they gradually become friends and then close friends before they enter into a relationship together.
Do you believe that a person can get together without really liking each other and then build a relationship from there?
It is possible. This is provided that both parties are willing to give each other a chance. Do not straightaway cancel each other off the list. The first impression might not be so good, but give yourself a chance to know the other person.
It’s important to listen to your common sense or gut feeling also. If the feeling is not right, they had better ask for their friends’ advice or get a dating coach to seek their advice about it.
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